ARTICLE 3: Top-Ten Networking Mistakes

The Story

In the grand scheme of things building alliances, coalitions, and partnerships is about communicating with people. Communication evolves in many ways, including verbally, in written form, or in person. By any form of communication one thing is sure, there are myths, mistakes, and misconceptions about the do's and don'ts of developing relationships.

When meeting someone for the first time one should be very conscious of one's behavior before, during, and after the conversation because it is your approach and demeanor that will be noticed right after your appearance. What, why, and how you say something will determine the basis of your future relationship. Listed are ten ways of sabotaging potential partnerships, also known as the "Top Ten Networking Mistakes."

1. Being too quiet.

The worst mistake anyone could make when meeting someone for the first time is being too quiet. Though it's often awkward to meet complete strangers for the first time, be confident, make good eye contact, give a firm handshake, and don't appear nervous. If you seem like you're someone they can trust, they may want to conduct business with you. Remember, building alliances is about communicating, so contribute to the conversation.

2. Talking too much.

Though it is customary to contribute to the conversation at networking events, there is no need to share your entire life history. Just be interesting enough as a person to encourage them to want to ask questions. Talking too much often communicates that you care more about yourself than meeting others. Ask good questions, reflect what others are talking about, and seem genuinely interested in them as people.

3. Being too pretentious.

Let's face it, many people like to be seen with the "Who's who" crowd. You know those people who are always concerned with associating with very important people or people with affluence. We learn this through peer pressure in grade school, and often form bad habits and poor values of association based on this. Don't feel the need to compete with others or their peer groups. Interact with those you feel comfortable and confident around, and who share similar personal and business interests.

4. Giving a cross-examination.

If you've ever watched television shows like "Law and Order" or "The Practice" then you've seen how trial lawyers drill witnesses with questions. However, this is not good to do when in a social environment. A rule of thumb is to ask three questions of interest to whoever you're conversing with. This will allow the conversation to continue without awkward periods of silence, and confirm that you are interested in them and not talking about yourself.

5. Interrupting.

We all know that interrupting shows bad manners. If you want to talk with someone who is currently talking with others, the best thing to do is stand near them so that they may see you waiting. They will choose whether and when to end the conversation. Excuse yourself for interrupting and state your question in the presence of those who are around at the time. Never interrupt someone and then pull him or her to the side to ask a question.

6. Having a bad attitude.

So, you had a bad day? We all have them once and awhile. Be that as it may, don't take your bad attitude with you to a social event or business meeting. It will show, and it won't work in your favor. Only you know your temperament and if it's going to distract you from making valuable contacts then its best not to attend the event at all. People always remember when they have been mistreated regardless of the circumstances, and first impressions are lasting.

7. Refusing to pay.

Say you have networked and landed an opportunity to have lunch or dinner with a person you have been tying to meet. Lunch has been scheduled, it goes smoothly, and then the bill comes. Who pays? To make a positive impression on your new alliance, make an offer to pay for lunch. Though usually the person who requested the meeting should offer to pay, if this doesn't happen you should at least offer. Always be prepared to pay in case the other person has as a different practice than you (or is from a different culture).

8. Don't defame others.

Even if you have juicy dirt on someone you and an alliance are talking about, don't be tempted to reveal your secrets. It's a small world, and badmouthing someone can only come back to haunt you. Follow the rule of thumb your mother taught you- "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all."

9. Avoid argumentative topics.

We all have opinions, some we even feel very passionately about. Be careful what you offer an opinion on, especially during initial meetings with people you don't know well and especially if you don't know where they stand on certain issues in advance. In general, avoid controversial subjects, a hard line stance on an issue, and avoid a firm position on morality, politics, and religion. When it comes to stating opinion in business settings, usually less is better.

10. Following up.

You've made the commitment to attend the event. You've done your homework. You've made a connection. Now, follow-up. This is where many people fail to conclude their process of building productive relationships. Always follow up with a call, email, thank you letter, etc. We'll cover this area more in chapter five.

The Lesson

When meeting people for the first time these are the top ten mistakes people make. These pitfalls are easy to avoid with a little preparation and savvy. In general, always think on your feet, follow your intuition about what is appropriate conduct depending on the setting and who is present, and always be positive and energetic. These simple tips can make the difference in how you are perceived and whether you establish and expand on a group of beneficial and profitable alliances.